


You're Braver Than You Think

by fandomandmore



Series: Quiz Night [4]
Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:00:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24406963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomandmore/pseuds/fandomandmore
Summary: Another one-shot in the Quiz Night universe...Callum finally finds the courage he needs to tell Stuart that he's gay.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway & Stuart Highway, Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Series: Quiz Night [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1741678
Comments: 8
Kudos: 51





	You're Braver Than You Think

**Author's Note:**

> This wasn't planned, I got asked a couple of days ago if I was writing any more for this series. My answer then was "no". Then this came to me, so here we are!
> 
> I would definitely recommend reading the first three parts first so that everything in here makes sense! :)

Callum took a deep breath, unlocking the door to the flat he shared with his brother, hoping Stuart was home so that he could go through with what he had prepared himself to do. His heart sank as he realised the flat was empty.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It had been a month since Callum had moved to the square and met Ben; Jay had taken pity on him, mainly due to the fact Ben wouldn’t stop pestering him to “help a brother out", and had given him a job at the funeral parlour, Lola thanked him constantly for “bringing out the best in Ben" and whilst Lexi currently knew him as simply “Daddy's friend", she still insisted on adding him in every family portrait she drew because, she said, “you make Daddy smile even when he’s not looking at me.” She was far more perceptive than a 7-year-old should be.

He'd spent so much time with them all over the past four weeks that he almost let himself forget that Stuart was still oblivious to this, now massive, part of his life.

He and Ben were in a good place; happy to be in their own little bubble, the sparks they felt during their first meeting still burning as hot as ever. However, the thrill of starting something new was evolving into something more serious by the day and it was getting harder and harder to fob his brother off with excuses as to where he was going most nights.

Stuart had taken it upon himself to assume he was trying to make a go of it with Whitney, making not-so-subtle comments every time he left the house,

“Its nice you're communicating again; it’ll be good for you.”

“Stopping out all night again little bro... you might want to dust off that ring!”

“Say hi to your girl for me! I need to meet her soon!”

“I’m glad you’re sorting it out, you’ll be moving back in with her before too long!”

Callum nodded along, forcing a grimace into a smile, then feeling guilty, like Ben was a secret he was ashamed of every time he did it.

He knew Ben didn’t think that. Everyone they cared about knew exactly what was going on. Everyone except his brother, which caused a tug-of-war inside his chest every time he thought about it.

The last time he’d been in to see Mick and Linda, they’d hugged him and said it was lovely to see him so happy, even if he could tell they were still wary of Ben. Although, it made him squirm pleasantly inside when Mick had gestured across the bar to where Ben was sat,

“You know, I think you’ve managed to do the impossible and calmed him down. It's a miracle, Halfway. I’m impressed!”

He didn’t tell Ben. He wouldn’t want him to feel his street cred had been damaged. He’d soon realised that the image Ben presented to the world was a far cry away from the person he saw when they were alone or when he was with Lexi or Lola and Jay.

It was these little things with Ben that made it all worth it. The way Ben would stare at him with wonder in his eyes, as if he couldn’t believe Callum was really there. The moments at night, when the world was asleep and they lay together, limbs tangled under the sheets, lights off; just them against the world.

He’d also recently discovered that Ben was more inclined to give away information about himself if his hearing aid was out, his glasses were off and he didn’t have his contacts in. It was like if he couldn’t see Callum and the sounds of the world around him were muted, that meant that he wasn’t truly admitting what he was saying. Callum loved this vulnerable side to Ben, which had only manifested itself this past week.

He’d woken up to find Ben propping himself up, staring at him, eyes wide. When he noticed Callum stir and his eyes flutter open, he shifted, laying down on his back staring at the ceiling, chewing on his bottom lip. He looked nervous.

“Hey?” Callum had turned onto his side, peering at Ben cautiously. “Everything ok?”

“Fine.” Ben had muttered, not turning to look at him, staring resolutely at the ceiling.

Callum had reached out, touching Ben’s chin slightly and turning his head so they were facing each other.

“You can talk to me you know.”

Ben had stared at him, eyes narrowed; it had felt like his eyes were windows to his soul and he lay as still as possible, allowing himself to be scrutinised. Ben clearly agreed with whatever he saw there, as he mouthed a silent, _just do it,_ to himself before speaking,

“Ok, I’ve been thinking about this all night and I’m only going to say this once, and I ain’t putting my hearing aid in and I ain’t gonna talk about it again, so you’re gonna listen and take it all in and if you don’t it’s tough but I need you to know, I want you to know, about… Him and this is the only way I can do it. Got it?”

Ben words had come out in rush and he’d turned to look at him again, for a split second, seeking confirmation. Callum had nodded, grasping Ben’s fingers tightly in his own and bringing them to his lips, whispering lightly against them,

“I promise.”

Ben went back to staring at the ceiling, but still gripping tightly to Callum’s hand. That was how Callum had finally found out about Paul. Ben had cried. Callum had wiped the tears away with his free hand, still not saying a word. When Ben had finished his story, they were both crying and Callum had simply kissed him, losing themselves in each other, being the comfort that he knew Ben needed in the only way he knew Ben would accept.

Ben had told him other things in the same way since then; early in the morning, before light could shine fully through the curtains. He’d found out about the abuse Ben had suffered at the hands of his Dad’s ex-girlfriend, about his time in prison, about thinking his mum was dead, only for her to return years later. All Callum would do was hold him, his admiration growing, a sense of pride that the man beside him was still standing after everything he’d been through. Each time, rather than words he knew Ben wouldn’t hear, he offered comfort through his actions, which said, _I am here, I am going nowhere._ This was how Callum had finally found out what Stuart had done.

He had been explaining his childhood with Stuart to Ben; assuring him that, despite his many misgivings, Stuart had been there for him as a kid, protecting him from his dad and he’d always owe him for that.

“So, has that got something to do with the reason behind knowing useless football facts?” Ben enquired, realisation lining his features, as he referred back to the night they’d met.

Callum had nodded, slightly.

“Yeah. When my Dad got really drunk and Stuart told me I needed to get away and keep quiet, I used to hide in my wardrobe with a torch, book of West Ham football facts that came from who knows where and I’d make myself memorise them, recite them aloud trying to drown out the noises from the living room.” He smiled sadly, “I can still remember most of them to this day.”

Ben had simply held him, pressing a kiss to his bare shoulder.

Callum had then asked Ben, not for the first time, why he and Stuart didn’t get on. Usually, he responded the same way every time, “we just don’t,” brushing Callum off and changing the subject. That morning, he’d sighed, turning his back to Callum, before answering,

“For the same reasons you haven’t told him you’re dating me.” Ben’s reply had been short, a definite underlying sadness, laced with something else that Callum couldn’t fathom. Whilst that made sense, he was sure there was something else, something more.

“What happened, Ben? What aren’t you telling me?” He’d questioned, placing a hand lightly onto Ben’s shoulder.

“You ain’t gonna like it.” Ben had whispered, anxiety lacing the tone of his voice.

“You can tell me anything. I’m here. I’ll be here as long as you want me.”

Ben had exhaled loudly, hands rubbing against his eyes, before he'd turned onto his back, eyes toward the ceiling in his usual and taken Callum’s hand in his,

“Don’t let go.” Ben’s vulnerability rising to the surface.

“Never.”

“It was pride. Last year. The day where we can be free, Callum. The day that’s ours, where we can dance and celebrate and just be unapologetically us. But your brother, he was there, he was everywhere, making comments, looking disgusted. He reminded me of… The night that…”

“I get it.” Callum had interrupted, sensing that Ben was struggling with memories of Paul, understanding what he was trying to say.

“Well, he was looking at me again, that same look of pure hatred, fire behind his eyes and I did what I always do, Cal, I said things that I knew would wind him up, said if he wanted me, he just had to ask but I couldn’t guarantee I’d take him up on his offer. He scowled and walked away and I thought I’d won, made him see we weren’t scared. It was our night; Pride, I’m proud to be me and no one ain’t ever gonna take that from me. Not anymore. But, later on, I was in the Arches, I can’t even remember why I was there, but he appeared, said I’d looked at him the wrong way, that I’d been parading my disgusting love life up and down the square. I remember squaring up to him, informing that he needed to take a good, long, hard look in the mirror. That was when he…” Ben stopped, closing his eyes and breathing deeply.

“Let’s just say, by the time he'd finished, I had a good few broken ribs and a black eye. Pretty sure I broke my nose too.”

“I… Ben… I’m sor…”

“Don’t you dare apologise!” Ben cut him off with a glare. “It was nothing to do with you. You weren’t even here then. Just, you asked. Callum, if you ever decide to tell him, about us, just, be careful, yeah?”

He moved so that they were facing each other. Callum kissed him, mind made up, it was time to stop being a coward. He needed to be as brave as Ben. He was pretty sure he was falling in love with the man in front of him and he needed his brother to know.

“I’m telling him. Tonight. And if he doesn’t like it, it’s tough, Ben, I… You… You mean a lot to me and I like you, a lot, and I want to see where this goes, but I can’t do that whilst my brother is in the dark about this whole, important, part of me. If he doesn’t like it, that’s his choice but… I need him to know.”

Ben breathed out a laugh, incredulous.

“You do realise you’re insane, Babe. You’ve spent a month terrified to tell your brother you like sucking…”

“Ben!”

Ben smirked, his face a look of innocence,

“Fine, terrified to tell your brother you’re gay. I tell you he attacked me and you’re ready to go, all guns blazing, into your flat with the gay pride flag and flashing signs saying “I’m here, I’m queer, don’t fear!” Never change, Callum Highway. Never change.” He smirked.

Callum smiled, sadly.

“I wish I had faith he would accept me.” He confessed.

Ben sobered up again, looking directly into Callum’s eyes, placing a hand on the back of his neck, as they lay side by side, facing each other.

“If he doesn’t, I’m here, I’ll always be here and he’d be an idiot who was missing out on knowing what an amazing person you are.”

They’d stopped talking after that, hands roaming freely, lips kissing loosely, bodies burning.

Some time later, Callum had finally untangled himself from Ben, kissing him once more and dressing and this was how he found himself sat in the flat, bottle of beer in hand, sat at the kitchen table, staring at the door of the flat, willing Stuart to walk through it. Ben’s last words to him before he left, echoing in his mind,

_“You’re braver than you think.”_

He hoped Ben was right.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

When Stuart had finally returned home, Callum was sat in the dark, beer bottle empty in front of him but gripping it tightly, as if it was his lifeline. Turning on the light, Stuart had started,

“You gave me a fright there, little bro. What you sat sitting in the dark for?”

“Ah, erm, hadn’t realised. Thinking. You had a good day?” He knew he sounded strained.

“You alright, Cal? You don’t sound too great?”

Callum sighed; it was now or never.

“We need to talk, Stu, and you might not like what I have to say but I need you to listen.”

Stuart’s face brightened as he walked further into the room.

“Are you moving back in with your girl, with Whitney? I’ve been expecting it if I’m honest, I mean, of course I’ll miss you but…”

“Stuart!” cutting him off, Callum ran a hand through his hair. “Please, just listen.”

Stuart looked wary, a flash of worry passing across his face, as he sat down at the table opposite Callum.

“You’re not ill, are you? I’m here for you…”

“Stuart!”

“Sorry, sorry. I’ll shut up. I’m all ears.” He mimed zipping his lips shut.

“For a start, there is no me and Whitney. I’ve only spoken to her once since I moved back here and that was over the phone to let her know I’d got here safely.”

“But… Sorry. Shutting up.” Stuart stopped himself as he tried to interrupt for a third time.

“I have met someone though. Someone special.” Callum took a breath, wondering how he was going to get out the rest of what he needed to. His heart was pounding and he was beginning to feel sick. His brother could be so unpredictable, he just wished he knew how he was going to react. Ben’s face flashed in his mind, _I’m here for you. You’re braver than you think._

“I’m getting another beer, dya want one?” He stood, heading to the fridge.

Stuart looked at him, curious,

“Yeah, I’ll have one. You’ve met someone though, on the square? Do I know her?”

Callum huffed out a laugh, as he bent down to get their drinks, at Stuart’s automatic use of the word _her._ Opening the bottles and passing one to Stuart as he sat back down, Callum answered,

“Yeah, on the square. Met them in the Vic the night I went to see Mick; got talking and joined their team for the quiz night. I’m so happy when I’m with them, Stu. It’s like everything that was missing with Whitney is right there.” He knew he was avoiding using pronouns, knowing he couldn’t put it off for much longer. He’d started now, he had to finish.

“But, who…?”

“Ben Mitchell.” Callum said the words quickly, taking a long gulp of his drink, watching Stuart’s face change from pleased to confusion.

“What? You’re not serious, Cal? He’s… You’re not…”

“Ben Mitchell.” Callum repeated, voice clearer and more assured this time. “Me and Whitney were never gonna work out, Stu.”

Rising from the table, Stuart slammed his hand down hard, anger evident now and Callum flinched.

“Ben Mitchell? Callum, he’s… He’s brainwashed you. Yeah, that’s what people like him do. They set their sights on someone and they wear you down til you think you’re like them. He tried it with me. I put a stop to it. I bet he hasn’t told you that, has he? He’s not right in the head, Cal. You just need to get away from him, then you’ll see. You’ll see.”

“Stop. Just stop. He hasn’t brainwashed me. Why dya think I left Whitney in the first place, Stuart. She was beautiful, kind, funny. She was everything I should have wanted. Except she wasn’t. I’m gay. I am gay. And that has nothin’ to do with Ben. I am well aware of what you did to him and if you think I’d be impressed with that, regardless of my feelings for him, then you clearly don’t know me at all.”

Stuart sat down again, head in hands.

“But you can’t be… You can’t like… You just can’t…”

“Why not Stuart? What is so wrong with me being gay? You can say the word, it isn’t catching. This is why it’s taken me so long to tell you. I don’t want to lose you, Stu, I don’t. You’re my brother and I love you. But if you can’t accept this part of me, this massive part of my life, then I’m not sure I can stay here.” He was crying now, powerless to stop it. “I really do want you in my life, Stuart. You’re my brother. You’ve always been there for me. I need you to be there for me now too.”

Stuart couldn’t look at him and his heart was breaking; his mind was racing. _If only I was normal,_ before he stopped himself. Refusing to let his brother take him back to a time where he was ashamed of himself.

“I’m going to go now.” Callum declared to the silent room, through his tears. “If you want me, you’ll find me at Ben’s. Please, Stu…”

Stuart looked up at him.

“I…” He shook his head, turning away.

“Fine.” Callum whispered, heading out of the flat, door slamming as he headed back out into the square. He stood, taking deep breaths, needing to calm himself before he headed back to Ben’s.

“Callum. Callum, wait!” He turned, surprised but something like hope blossoming in his chest as Stuart approached him.

“That’s it then, you… You’re definitely, you know… gay?” The final word forced out on a whisper, Callum stared directly at his brother, unblinking, as he nodded.

“I’m gay, Stuart, and I spent so long inside my head, feeling disgusted with myself, apologising for it and I can’t go back to that. I won’t go back to that. I’m proud of who I am and you will not change that.”

“But you’re my brother, Cal.” He whispered. “I… Dad always said…”

“You’re not our Dad, Stuart. Dad was right about nothing, ever. I’m where I am today because of you. I wouldn’t have made it through as a kid, not without you. Don’t make the same mistakes he did. Don’t lose me too.”

Stuart grabbed his arms, nodding resolutely,

“I’m here for you. You’re my little brother. I’m always here for you. Just… I’m not ready for Ben to be… In the flat. I need you to know that, I’ll try. I’m going to try. I just. I need time.”

Callum nodded; it was more than he ever thought he’d get. He knew a lot about needing time. Time was something he could give.

“I get that, Stu. Honestly, I do. I’m gonna go to Ben’s now. I’ll meet you in the café for breakfast in the morning, yeah? We can talk some more?”

Letting go of Callum’s arms, Stuart hummed in agreement.

“Tomorrow.” He repeated. “I’ll… erm… I’ll see you then.” He coughed, awkwardly, gesturing back towards the flat.

“I’ve locked myself out, ain’t I? Running after you. My keys are inside.”

Callum laughed; grateful for the reprieve from the onslaught of feelings crashing through him.

“Take mine,” he offered, holding them out to his brother. “Bring them back to me in the morning?”

“Yeah, tomorrow.” He started to walk away, before adding, “Night, little bro.”

Callum smiled,

“Night, Stu.”

As he headed back to Ben’s, he finally allowed himself to believe that maybe Ben was right.

_I am braver than I think._

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr: fandomandmore  
> Twitter: fandomandmoree


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